Timing is Everything

So, lack of willpower and insatiable hunger aside, timing has become my greatest weight loss enemy.  In an attempt to eat heavier meals earlier in the day (and in theory lighter ones later), I've turned into a late-night snacker, which has never really been a problem before.  Full disclosure: these ridiculous diet pills I'm taking are co-conspirators.  Okay, here's how my day goes.

Wake up, take a diet pill.  It says it works best on an empty stomach, and to not eat anything for 30 minutes afterwards.  So I do my morning teeth face hair dress routine, and only ten minutes have gone by.  Man I'm hungry.  I'm also tired.  I guess I could fix both by napping for 20 minutes!

Wake up.  Again.  An hour later.  Dammit!  Well now I certainly don't have time to work out - got to start studying.  At least I can eat now - the caffeine explosion in my stomach sounds like my grandma's cat that was on loan from the seventh circle of hell.  And it's the first meal of the day, so it's gonna be a big one!  A nice big healthy omelette with lots of veggies ... and of course some cheese (it tastes like nothing without cheese! and salt.) ... and I should probably use that delicious tomato sauce from last night (wait - didn't the boyfriend put butter and milk in it and that's why it tasted good?  I don't remember ... but using up leftovers is totally a worthy goal - pour that deliciousness on!).  So I end up eating a 1500 calorie omelette for breakfast.  And iced coffee because it's summer!  With lots of milk and sugar!  It's the first meal of the day, it's fine ... I'll have all this burned off by lunch.

A couple of hours later and my eyes are glazed over from outlining.  I mean, I'm sure turning a page every couple of minutes while sitting near-motionless at this table for hours has really done the trick of burning those morning calories.  Brain cardio?  Anyways, time to eat!  But wait - that stupid diet pill.  If I wait until an hour or two after I eat so that I have an empty-ish stomach I won't be able to go to sleep (they have like 3000% of your yearly dose of caffeine in each).  So I should just take one now and hold out for a half hour.

After half an hour of acting like I'm doing work while I'm literally staring down my clock, watching the minute hand creep around, I tear through my fridge in a hunger rage.  Some leftovers, a few bites of ice cream while they heat up ...  I mean, it's lunch time so it's still an early meal, right?  Dang - it's already 3pm?  Well, I'll just skip dinner, and maybe I can get in a quick workout later.

Seven rolls around, and I ignore the growls.  No - I will not eat!  I ate two huge meals and burned approximately 5 calories today during my only physical activity: walking around the kitchen to cook.  Just concentrate on studying.  Maybe a workout?  Neh ...  And no - I couldn't even imagine a fake reason to insert while writing this.

Nine o'clock - ugh - no more studying.  Gonna watch a little TV.  I'm not hungry I'm not hungry I'm not hungry ...

Eleven - time for bed.  I consider swallowing my toothpaste.  I lay in bed, tired, but SOOO hungry.

Midnight - Eff it.  Leftover chicken and rice with a reheated biscuit.  Carbs, cream and carbs.  Delicious, but shameful.  Get back in bed, try to do it all differently the next day ...

Lemons, Lemonade, and the Bitter Bright Side

Well, I've certainly been off track, haven't I?  The law school finals, the graduation, the weddings, the bar study classes; they've served admirably as the the greatest excuses in my life for the eating and not working out that have resulted in my personal best for weight gain.

But as I find myself panicking with the bar exam far too near in the future, I am finally reversing the excuses - working out and cooking healthy meals is now my way to briefly excuse myself from studying.  (And of course blogging about it serves the same purpose.)  It's an excuse, yes, but it's a structured and necessary excuse.  My first year of law school, I was on a steady workout kick before and during exams, and it worked wonders.  I slept like a baby and forgot about my usually looming-large largeness insecurities (replaced, of course, with my holy-crap-what-the-hell-is-a-fee-tail insecurities).  So here I am, full circle (still don't know what a fee tail is), hoping to apply something other than studying that will help me live through this.  Don't get me wrong, the hour I spent on the treadmill this morning I spent staring at notes -- but in all honesty I can't say it's valuable study time when it takes 10 minutes to get through one bouncingbouncingbouncing page.  But it's worth it because I can't live with myself unless I'm studying 12 hours a day for this though my brain only holds up well for 8 hours of studying.

And a note about all the melodrama: This is for me--I'm writing to take a break and to self-medicate.  I know I'm whining - sue me.  But honestly, the bar is the first thing in all of law school that has truly lived up to the hype of being as awful as everyone says it is.  With that, back to making charts.