Or the blog. As usual, it has taken a painful jolt of reality to remind me that I need to take care of myself. And that I have a blog that I should be writing. The reality check de jour: facebook blowing up with complaints about how the gym is so annoyingly busy in January. Am I guilty of making the gym busier? No, of course not. I have pizza to eat. But am I guilty of making the obligatory promise that THIS WILL BE THE YEAR I get in shape for good? Umm ... yeah.
This year's self-delusion comes in the form of a commitment to some sort of physical activity every day and a rabbit food diet. No, not the pellets (which sound delicious when you're on the rabbit food diet) -- just fresh vegetables. Luckily, the Boyfriend has talked some sense into me for this go-around of the rabbit food diet, insisting that we allow some salt and some cooking. The original diet that preceded The Great Cruise Vacation of 2011 was hardcore - all raw vegetables, juice, and water. No sugar, salt, meat or fat. Incidentally, that diet was also the creator of The Great Headache and Life Hate of 2011.
To supplement the modified diet, I suggested the Boyfriend draw up a workout plan - you know, just so there was something up on the wall to stare judgmentally at us if we didn't follow it. I had a 20-minute every day goal in mind. What was sent to me was the workout plan undoubtedly used by one of those "people" who run marathons frequently and, you know, poop themselves at the end of the race. Okay, maybe it wasn't that intense, but it was definitely not fitting into my reality. "Week 1" of the workout called for:
1 - A "Brisk Walk or Jog 2 miles" every weekday. Okay ... I mean, it takes like 35 minutes to walk two miles, and I hate jogging, so I guess I can just spend a little longer than I was planning. It is my health, after all ...
2 - "Pullups: 3 sets of max." Well, how can it be three sets if the first set is my max? He must mean "max ___" as in, fill in the blank and this is the most you have to do each set. I guess I'm supposed to fill that in. That would be "max .2", because then if I do all three sets together, it's the total .6 pullup I can do, it that won't take long at all. Phew!
3 - "Pushups: 3 sets of max; Situps: 3 sets of max." Ummm ... this is not only looking very time consuming, but difficult. Did I not mention that I want to be skinny, but I would like to not work very hard for it?
4 - "Stretch: 15 minutes." Yeah right. I actually enjoy stretching, but after who knows how long the rest of this is going to take, am I really going to put 15 more minutes in between me and dinner?
UGH. And that was just for the weekdays. I know getting started is the hardest part, but really, I cannot imagine having the time or energy to do this twice a week, let alone five times plus a weekend bike-a-thon. Today is a Tuesday ... I'm sure that gives me a week to think about it until another Monday rolls around. I mean, why would he start the workout chart on a Monday unless he very specifically wanted us to start on the most meaningful starting day of all, Monday? And just put that purchase of time on my tab, thankyouverymuch.
